i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
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