Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
Randomize
