I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
Don't EVER smell your tampon
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
Randomize
