is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
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