I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
Randomize
