Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
Randomize
