I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
Randomize
