I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
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