remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
Best friends brother. Beat that.
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
Randomize