I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Randomize
