woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
