I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
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