The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
