Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
This show inspires me to have sex in space
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
well, you know. whores of a feather.
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
Randomize
