Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
Randomize
