Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
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