I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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