i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
ashley and jimmy are about to have sex on degrassi.... EVERYONES GETTING LAID BUT ME
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
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