Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Randomize
