Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
People in love make me want to vomit
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
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