Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
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