we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
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