Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Randomize
