can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
Slut skills are useful in every country.
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
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