is it bad if I use the term bowl as a measurement of time, as in how long it takes to smoke a bowl?
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
Randomize
