had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
Randomize
