Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
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