I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
Randomize
