I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
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