let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
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