It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
