he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
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