like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
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