she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
Randomize
