somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
I love you. Go after that dick
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
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