Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
Randomize
