i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
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