He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
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