If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
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