I'm drive I can fine osifer
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
Randomize
