never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
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