Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
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