I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
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