PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
Randomize
