you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
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