How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
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