Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
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