i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
Randomize
