I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
Randomize
