Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
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