Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Randomize
