But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
Randomize
