if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
Randomize
