Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
Randomize
