Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
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