If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
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