Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
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