i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
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