No, veal is cruel because they chain them down, I'm talking about free range human babys here.
So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
Randomize
