it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
Randomize
