The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
Randomize