i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
my nose is crying tears of wow.
Ladies don't puke and tell
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
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