I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
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