So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
Randomize
