i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
You're like the curious george of whores
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
Randomize
