highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
