I can feel you judging me through the phone.
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
Randomize