is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
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